Recently my friend Robert forwarded to me this joke submitted to Dr. Laura Schlessinger who is a US radio personality dispensing advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently a listener wrote in and said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident and posted on the Internet. It was e-mailed to Robert by a fellow “croppie” and he forwarded it to me. It's funny, as well as informative.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

1). When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2). I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3). I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual cleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4). Leviticus 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5). I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6). A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is a abomination of Leviticus 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7). Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8). Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die?

9). I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10). My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev. 24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14).

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan,

May they see the Light.

Hi Robert;

That was a very funny joke (above) that you e-mailed me, but only dedicated disbelievers in Moses and/or Christ would find it truly funny. Never the less, it is so cute that I just had to pass it along to all my disbelieving in-laws and friends. However, as a believer that crop circles are at least one of the “signs” of Christ’s return in Acts 2:19, I can't help but add a few comments.

The “missing link” between the Old and New Testament law is, of course, that Christ's message meant that if His teachings were followed, the 10 commandments and all the 613 Levitical laws would be reduced to only two: 1), love your God with all your heart and soul, and 2), love your neighbour as yourself (Matt. 22:37, 39; Mk. 12:30, 31). With just these two New Testament laws in place, all the rest of the Old Testament laws would become redundant and unnecessary because of a huge attitude adjustment in man. Some of the religious leaders of Christ’s day (the Sadducees and the Pharisees) considered this huge reduction in the number of God’s laws as blasphemy mostly because it would put them out of a privileged job in a slave society. They “earned" (or justified) their relatively easy living by interpreting all these 623 laws among which were complex instructions detailing God’s law, civil law and Temple worship ceremonies (the 10 commandments, 613 + 10 = 623).

As if this wasn't “work” enough, they added numerous ridiculous job creation laws called fence laws to the stew. For example, disciples were not to pick grain (Matt. 12:2), heal the sick (Matt. 12:14) or even comb your hair (because this was considered as "ploughing" as in ploughing a field) on the Sabbath thus breaking the 4th commandment not to work on the Sabbath. Christ vigorously condemned such silly traditions: “…their teachings are but rules taught by men” (Matt. 15:9; Mark 7:8). Christ the “lawbreaker” was thence convicted of blasphemy and sentenced to a horrible death (Matt. 26:65; 27:26; Mark 14:64, 15:15).

Since all things belonged to God in the beginning and will belong to Him in the end (and in our end too), God doesn’t need our ritualistic sacrifices to Him in the form of burnt bulls, lambs, rams, goats, grain, wine, money or anything else for that matter. He desires spiritual purity but we substitute materialism and ignore that you can’t take it with you. “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart” (Job 1:21). God used Moses to institute the Old Testament sacrifice ceremonies only to demonstrate, by example, our spiritual need for Him, His sovereignty and ultimately His Love for all His Creation through His Better Sacrifice. Christ’s Better Sacrifice not only unites the Jews with the Gentiles, it reconciles all man with God.

A Better Sacrifice
“While the Old Testament law prescribed animal and grain sacrifices to deal with the problem of sin, Old Testament writers made clear that God really wanted obedient lives, not ritual performances (Isaiah 1:11-17 for example). Hebrews 10:5-9 quotes Psalm 40:6-8 in explaining that Jesus’ sacrifice made all the animal sacrifices obsolete. Only Jesus’ sacrifice has the power to actually forgive sins and change lives” (page 513, Zondervan’s New Student Bible, New International Version).

But the Pharisees not only are very much still with us today, they are growing in (global) power (= the New World Order) with the gap between the privileged and non-privileged nations and the gap between individuals within nations growing deeper and wider, a condition preceding all revolutions. The real problem is man’s spiritual lust-for-power in that Christ's message won't work without a major change in the human heart. This power struggle manifests itself in a materialistic desire not to need or believe in anything more powerful than the self, including (and especially) a belief in God. We want to need not a God. Thus the devil dwells deep in the heart of all of us and we are deceived. Man’s original sin was being tricked into disobedience by believing that he could become like God and need nothing: “For God knows that when you eat of it (the tree in the middle of the garden of Eden) your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good from evil” (Gen. 3:5).

Wouldn't be wonderful if all our 10,000 or so laws were reduced to only two. Talk about a wonderful constitutional recipe that has been totally ignored for some 2000 years!! This would mean that a at least a third over the work force of millions of expensive and “parasitic” (but “necessary” in our “advanced” “civilization”) lawyers, doctors, bankers, police, armed forces, jails and jail keepers, courts, security forces, watchmen, locksmiths, social workers, food banks and at least a third of the clergy would be a thing of the past. No more guard dogs, walls, spies or surveillance cameras would be needed either. They (the lawyers, etc.) would soon feel very much like the Pharisees did in Christ’s day and they too would do their best to block this spiritual change. “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in heavenly realms” (Eph. 6:12).

Yours as ever in Christ Jesus,